I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
