I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
