Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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