been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
