I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
