I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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