We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
