I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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