i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
