there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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