Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
