It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize