I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
