I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
