I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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