I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
