I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
