dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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