There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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