I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize