Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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