Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
