I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize