He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
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He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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