Whod you bang
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
