Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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