Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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