A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
