Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
