No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
