Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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