Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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