im about as happy as oj after his trial
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
