It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
