thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
