3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
