The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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