Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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