Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
