I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
