wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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