here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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