oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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