VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
