I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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