dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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