Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
