Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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