i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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