do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
