if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
