How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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