Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
