hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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