I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
