last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
