I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
