2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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