When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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