evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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