every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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