I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
