And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
